Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
