return my video game
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
