why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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