somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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