oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
