I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize