I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
is it fun? or sober?
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