Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
