Who did Billy Mays play for?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize
