Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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