Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
