May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
