man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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