So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
my poor anus
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
