I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
