So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
