i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
