You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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