No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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