the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
bring money and cleavage
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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