I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
how does that bad decision feel?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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