i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
