Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize