I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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