Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
