is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
