I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize