She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
