I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
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