when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize