Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
