Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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