I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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