Got a toothbrush?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
