I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize