btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
