The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize