I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
