jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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