I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
