The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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