Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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