you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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