you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
But break dance skills will only take you so far
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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