I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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