i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I wish i was in the wii world.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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