shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
