she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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