sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
