I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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