i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
