Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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