Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
please come you make the beer taste better
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
