oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
