I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
