Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize