that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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