I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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