I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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