do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize