she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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