Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
