i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
