Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
