I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
