you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
