How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
