you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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