you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
