I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
