I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
