News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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