Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
