He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
