K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize