Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
