Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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