you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
