yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
