That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
