All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
