my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
