Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Woke up backwards on a recliner
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize