I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
