Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so let's talk penis.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
