My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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