Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
