I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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