I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
