hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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