My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
