What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
