Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
the liver wants what the liver wants
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
