it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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