either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
