Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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