I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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